Labels or Love

As I listened to the lyrics of the Fergie song "Labels or Love" I couldn't help but wonder...are we so tragically damaged by past relationships that we will truly accept buying a bag over love? It is interesting to note that in both cases, we choose something. I think most of us, myself included, have felt like we are "chosen." I like the concept of choosing to be in love (and of course I like the choosing part of shopping). I think it lends more credibility to the notion that we can choose to make a relationship work, we can choose to be nice instead of mean to a co-worker, and we can choose to be a good parent. By choosing, we admit some level of responsibility in that aspect of our lives. That being said, I would not wish a broken heart on anyone. I am sure most of us thirtysomethings have experienced it at some point in our life. It is the most painful experience. I guess that is where the shopping comes in..retail therapy anyone? Plus, I have yet to meet a Jimmy Choo that breaks my heart. Let's face it; relationships take communication, commitment, and sometimes plain old work. Relationships can also be the most rewarding, life changing, and incredible experiences we will have in life. As much as I would not wish a broken heart on someone, I also would not wish anyone the safety of never falling in love. Knowing that the person you hold dear to your heart is there for you no matter what is one of the most secure feelings we can hope to attain. Knowing you would do anything for them and they would do anything for you cannot be traded for a good pair of shoes. I think the best part of being in love is looking at them after 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years and still finding the same soul you fell in love with a long time ago. It is something every person deserves and should experience in life. So, given the choice between labels and love...I choose love (although a nice pair of Manolo Blahnik's wouldn't hurt either). Maybe I will create my own version of labels and love....

Winds of Change

I got laid off today. Yep, I sure did. I wish I had some eloquent verbiage about how life brings us challenges we can meet and excel at and life is grand. I have not found the silver lining yet. I know it is probably very selfish of me to write about this and I am sure that there are alot of people that are much worse off than I am in this economy. However, I cannot help but take it very personally. I did a good job. I did what was asked of me and more. This does not change the fact that I feel personally insulted by this little setback in my career. To be honest, something broke inside of me today. Something deep, something I have always prided myself in attaining...which are basic employment and the ability to provide for my family. It is funny to me that I keep telling everyone that I will be fine. The truth is that I don't know if I will be fine. I don't know what life has in store for me. I don't know much of anything except that I am unequivocally scared. Scared like I have never been before. I guess that is ok too. I am blessed to have family and friends that are so amazing and supportive. I am blessed that I have a couple of weeks to search for the next job. I am blessed that I have come this far in life without worrying about where my next paycheck will come from. It would be a mistake to assume that because I know I am blessed that it makes the pain of the news today any less. Soon, I will be applying for jobs that 100 other people are applying for, I will be worrying about how to keep some sort of health insurance for my daughter, I will be trying to find fun things to do for free, and I will be one of millions that feel the effects of the recession. I have become a number today. I found a quote that captures how I feel about today. It states, "We change, whether we like it or not." There is nothing glamorous about my life, there is nothing that makes me feel like I stand out in a crowd, and there is nothing that can change the fact that I am now jobless. I am thirtysomething that is experiencing what hundreds of others have already felt the sting of....losing a part of themselves and becoming a statistic. The winds of change have blown and have left a trail of dust in their path. I have no choice but to change and move with the winds...

Ready, Shoot, Aim

I am not a patient person. I will be the first to admit this little fact about myself. If I didn't admit it, most of my friends and family would be happy to tell you that I am indeed the " ready, shoot, aim" girl. I have a tendency to see a situation, respond, and then think about it. I find the concept of patience noble and great. I just really don't have any desire to actually BE patient. Thankfully, I am surrounded by people that are able to inject some form of rationale before I do something terrible..usually. For instance, I recently went with my boyfriend to Las Vegas. I thought it would be fun to go and see Blue Man Group while we were there. So, I did what every normal person would do and googled "Blue Man Group" tickets. Of course THE site came up and I went about booking the tickets in the row and section I wanted to sit in. Next, I sent my boyfriend an IM, indicating that I had the "best surprise" for our upcoming trip. I proceeded to tell him I had purchased tickets for a show along with the details of the purchase. After a moment or two of stunned silence, he managed to recover enough to ask me if the tickets were refundable. I could practically see his face paling over the IM. I informed him that "of course they are not refundable, they are show tickets."He then proceeded to tell me that he could get the same tickets on several other sites for about 1/4 of the cost. In the next couple of hours, he tried everything to get a refund for me, including talking to the less than pleased operator (I had already called her and informed her of the huge rip off the tickets were and how she should really put a disclaimer on the website). Unfortunately, we were unable to refund them. Now, I am not going to disclose the price I actually paid, but let me just say, I could have done some serious damage to a black jack table for an additional week or for that matter, I might have been able to purchase plane tickets to France with the cash saved. All in all, the show was fabulous and while I thoroughly regret not completing some research before purchasing, I did love the show. I do believe I quite possibly drive everyone that is close to me slightly insane with my lack of logic, but so far they all seem to just give me an eye roll and move on. One would think that at thirtysomething I would have learned a lesson or two about patience and the ability to research before buying. Alas, I guess I am just destined to be a ready, shoot, aim sorta gal. Now, I just saw the new Michael Kors handbag on his website......

Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem or “Seize the Day” is a phrase that seems fitting for a thirtysomething. It is a time in my life that means owning up to certain realities. Accepting the notion that life is both bitter and sweet at the same time. It means the recognition that many of our notions of the future were idealizations and can't be lived in the world, but that doesn’t mean we have to compromise our ideals. For example, I don't want a lot of responsibilities, but I want to make a living. I want to enjoy each day, but I also want to feel productive. I want to sleep in, but I also want time to work out. This quandary cuts deeper than the questions of lifestyle, it is also a question of principles: I want to be honest but I don't want to be hurtful; I want to be accommodating but I want what I want when I want it; I want to be grateful but I also experience pain at times. In essence, I guess what I am getting at is that it is all about creating your own family in your own way.
During my twenties, I relied on my parents and immediate family to indicate to me the importance of home. Traditions run deep in my family. While I still appreciate my upbringing, I realized somewhere around turning 30 that I am responsible for creating my own sense of home. I get to decide my own life! I can create one that is made up of any combination of family, friends, jobs, hobbies, vacations, and goals. I also get to experience the bittersweet significance of the things I cannot control or even necessarily have a choice in: illness, gossip, losing friends, job loss, and chapters of my life closing before I am ready to say goodbye. In sum, I am experiencing life as a thirtysomething. While there is nothing innately fabulous about it, it is my life.

This blog is my way of capturing both the triumphs and tragedies of being a thirtysomething. I feel compelled to share my thoughts on my small moments of real life as well as some of my dreams, hopes, goals, and thoughts on this business of being thirtysomething. I know that I am not the first person, nor are we as thirtysomethings the first ones, to ever have children, buy houses, have careers, or have parents that are ill. The truth is, there is probably nothing noble about the endeavors of a thirtysomething, but it is my life. One of my best friends started a blog called “The New Forty” and it is her way of dealing with being 50. I love it and read it daily. It is a small way of keeping in touch with her even though I am thousands of miles away. Her blog as well as her friendship has taught me that friendship is timeless. So, if this blog reaches out to twentysomethings, fiftysomethings, or really any age in some small way, I am humbled. Mostly, I am just writing about the territory I know best...being thirtysomething. I read an anonymous quote that captured how I feel about life these days “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.” In other words, Carpe Diem...