Facing Realities

Being thirtysomething is mostly interesting, some times difficult, and always a wild ride. I gave up posting regularly because living life got in the way. I have realized I am mostly a random blogger and I am fine with that reality. I would rather live life than write about it...some days. Blogging does allow me to sit back and think about the realities of my life though. For instance, the reality that my daughter does not need me in the same way that she did when she was younger is hitting me hard lately. Another reality is that try as I might to turn a job into something great, sometimes a job is just a job. Reality is always there, but sometimes we choose to ignore reality when we get scared. The reality that I am aging scares me. The reality that I am losing my dad much more quickly than I am prepared for is a really sad and sucky (yes, that is a word) fact. It is probably this reality that makes me bury my head in the sand like an ostrich. Facing realities of loss are very difficult and require an iron stomach. I always thought I was such a strong person, but lately it just seems like someone keeps punching me in the stomach just when I catch my breath. I think the thing that makes me the most upset about this is that I somehow get the feeling that this is just part of getting older. I think the aging process is difficult, but the loss factor is WAY hard. Nothing prepares you. I guess the best you can hope for is the newly found wrinkles and signs of aging represent a life well lived.

The 2010 Thirtysomething

It is my first official post of the new year...only 20 days late. What a way to start. Work has been insanely busy and I have been trying to up the workouts to achieve some sort of body transformation before my brother's wedding this summer. With all of that, the past 20 days has inspired me to reassess my goals for this year. Of course, this would assume that I do not assess my goals throughout the year, but New Years seems like a good time to prioritize my ever growing list. So, in no particular order:
1. Be more consistent. I know this is super broad and somewhat nebulous, but I am a very random person and in order to achieve more of my goals, I need to set this as one of them. For example, my diet is pretty "clean" but I have been stuck at the same weight for a while now. One issue I have is that I continue to believe that "just one cookie" won't hurt....which is true, but it won't get me to my goal either.
2. Live in the moment more often. I am by nature a "type A" personality...which means I am always trying to figure out what is next, how it will get done, etc....I have a very hard time relaxing and truly appreciating this great life of mine. Living in the moment for me means consciously choosing to be present and enjoy things more.
3. Have "do-it" vs. diet attitude and thought process.
4. Be more patient and put myself in other's shoes...especially my teenage daughter.
5. Be brave...I don't know exactly what this means yet, but I do know that alot of changes are going to occur this year and I need to be brave and face them instead of complaining or ignoring them.
6. Do 3 things that will get me closer to being my own business owner.

Ok, that is enough for one year. If I can manage all of that, I will be an extremely balanced....and busy thirtysomething.

Christmas is a time....

To forgive your enemies, to express tolerance to all, to be a good example for a child, to give yourself respect. Those thoughts are from a quote about good gifts to give at Christmas. I like that thought, but really, shouldn't we do that all year? Christmas always prompts me to think about life, love, family, friends, etc...I guess that is why New Year Resolutions follow directly after the holiday. Today I was struck by the story of Brittany Murphy. This time of year, it is so hard to hear news like, but I think the fact that she is another thirtysomething makes it even more difficult. She was so young, too young. I guess you never know when your time is up..which is probably good. It still feels so wrong to see that sort of headline though. Each day I wake up, I am immediately so grateful for a new day. I know it sounds completely cheezy, but I think that with all of the illness in my family, the news, the weather disasters, etc....it is only natural to feel grateful. Being grateful is free to give and easy to achieve; probably one of the best gifts to give and recieve at Christmas. So all you thirtysomethings...Christmas is a time to be grateful in your own way.

A Time for Giving

A read a friend' blog today and felt a certain level of guilt. She is always better at giving than I am...darn her! She talked about giving something back, being appreciative for the wealth we have in this country, etc....yea, those are the great friends I have...they spur me on to be a better person. The thing is, I want to be giving; I want to volunteer, I want to contribute to something bigger than me...I just can't figure out what motivates me enough to do it regularly. I am a GREAT One- Time-Sally...just not on a reoccurring basis. The thing I started thinking about is that it is regular service that truly takes a commitment and means something extraordinary. I am not downplaying one time gifts, they are wonderful and do alot of good. For me, I realize how blessed I am in this world and it is time to give back...in a regular way. I guess it is a New Year's Resolution a little early. So, this new objective of mine has me thinking about what type of charity I can possibly commit to on a regular basis. I know I should just pick one, but like everything else in my life, I feel compelled to pick the one that fits me the best. I can't really picture myself handing out food in a homeless shelter..noble as that is, I just can't envision it. I am allergic to most pets, so those charities are out since I already own stock in Claritin due to our cat. Which left me with military charities, children's charities, and various religious charities. None of those exactly inspired me. I know, that sounds horrible, but those are also the ones that get the most volunteers. So, I did what any thirtysomething does...I googled it. A charity came up that I had forgotten about...The Ronald McDonald House. It is a charity that provides housing for families with children that are in a hospital away from home. Suddenly, a ton of memories came flooding back. When my daughter was born, she was really sick. She had to be in an intensive care nursery for a week. During that time, I was a little less than an hour away from home, but it was the middle of winter with record snow falls. Since I was so young, I didn't have alot of money for hotels and really couldn't afford the gas and food to travel back and forth to be with her. I don't remember how I found out about the Ronald McDonald House, but it was a life saver for me for that week. The house was nice, the people sympathetic, and I even had privacy. It was such an answer to my many many prayers at that difficult time. So, I have a charity now. I can volunteer to cook meals for families that are staying in the house, which is awesome because I like to cook anyway. Plus, I have been there, I have experienced what these families are going through..or at least a little snippet of it. I know that I was so lucky to have my healthy child come home with me a week later...most families that stay in the houses do not have that privilege....so the least I can do is make it a little easier for them in some small way. I have a really good feeling about this new volunteering thing. So, all you thirtysomethings, do something outside of yourself this upcoming year and this Christmas season. Give yourself the gift of giving back.

Sleep

Sleep used to be something I took for granted. As a teenager, sleep was easy and I could sleep until noon without a problem. In my twenties, I don't even remember falling into bed most nights...a toddler will do that to you. Now, as a thirtysomething, I find sleep elusive some nights. I toss and turn on any given night, but sometimes, I just get up...knowing sleep will not come to me soon. Usually it is because I am stressed or thinking about something, but sometimes it is just a function of poor sleep habits in my twenties that are catching up to me now. I could not sleep tonight. I woke up about 2am and knew I wasn't falling back asleep. Granted, this time I did have many reasons to keep me awake....holiday events, my child's upcoming birthday, holiday shopping, bills, family feuds, etc. Funny how during the day, any worries can be rationed away, but at night, they seem to come alive. I never thought of myself as a worry wart. I used to pride myself in solving my problems instead of mulling them over and over in my mind. Unfortunately, some problems or life circumstances don't allow for easy solutions and are out of my ability to control. I wish my brain had a "sleep mode" button. A simple little button that I could push as I climb into bed that activated a complete brain shutdown. Of course, this assumes that it would automatically re-start my newly rested brain after the full 8 hours..or 6 most nights. For some reason, my mind works the best at this time of night and I usually accomplish alot...for example, posting to my blog. However, I miss sleep. I miss falling asleep and not waking up until my body tells me to wake up. I miss the clarity that comes from a good night's rest. Ah, sleep, it is something this thirtysomething is going to try to do again right now...

The Firm

I have entered a world where I have clients, not customers. I work for something called The Firm instead of the company. Supposedly, I am in the "elite" 1 percent of those that apply to the firm...I got hired. In this case, I was told that I have joined an organization that is harder to get into than the ivy league schools. WOW. I should be impressed. Unfortunately, I know enough about my hiring process as well as having taken enough statistics to realize that any information can be "tailored" to meet a specific goal...in this case, it espouses the eliteness of the firm. Since my employment started, I have been corrected slightly under a million tims for my use of customer vs. client. I have experienced something akin to being in a sorority...everyone give you that knowing look. I have had doors open that I thought woudl take months, but was told that "the firm supports individaul development as well as personal development." I have run into people at the gym that work for THE FIRM...they now approach me as if I have suddenly come alive. I feel like Abby McDeere: "Somewhere, inside, in the dark, the firm is listening." I find this new world quite interesting. I have access to things that are absolutely amazing (discounts on pretty much everything, travel booking, online course, etc). I have never worked in an environment that considers image important. I worked government..enough said. While I like the thought of taking pride in yourself and how you present yourself each day, I find the level of attention paid to it quite humorous. Sometimes I push the dress code with my lack of formal apparal (a sweater over a button down collared shirt instead of a blazer)...which results in some VERY disapproving looks. This thirtysomething is WAY out of her realm of comfort. I keep thinking how perfect this position would have been for me directly out of college...when I did consider image a vital part of a job. Now, I find it all very comical. I better watch out though...you never know what THE FIRM knows and when they are watching...

Be Gentle with the Bread

I went to the grocery store today to do our weekly grocery shopping as well as pick up the items we need for Thanksgiving. By the time I got to the register, I was quite done with the whole ordeal. In order to preserve what little sanity I have left, I purposely shop at a rather upscale shop to avoid long lines, poor attention to customer service, and lack of variety in produce. Today the trip progressed nicely until I got to the check-out lane. I dutifully got in line and waited my turn while my milk began to sour. I patiently read up on the latest celebrity gossip while Mr. Underachiever (my pet name for the check-out boy) slowly dealt with the customer in front of me. I failed to mention that I was also juggling two gallons of water while I waited (yes, poor cart organization on my part). When I was able to set the water down, I couldn't feel my fingers. I handed Mr. Underachiever (MR. UA for short) my special savings card and proceeded to the payment module thingy...yes, that is the technical term. While I scanned my debit card, Mr. UA began to scan my groceries. Now, I am not the most easy person to please when it comes to grocery placement in the bags, but COME ON. Mr. UA began to put the can goods in with the fruit, the bottles in with the meat, etc...I watched with a sick feeling growing in my stomach. The final straw came when he grabbed the bread in the middle, thereby completely smooching the middle part, and threw it in a bag with the milk. ARGH!!! At this point, I am faced with the incredibly hard decision...do I say something and risk complete hatred from all of the other patiently waiting customers as well as pure sneering from Mr. UA or do I just suck it up and deal with smooched bread. Today I chose to deal with smooched bread because I had a turkey that needed to get home and in the fridge. My poor smooched bread looks all deformed in my fridge and my tuna sandwich tomorrow will be in a nice hour-glass shape, but I will survive. My question is this....if Mr. UA chooses to do this job in such a lackadaisical manner, how many customers will this store lose? I see a growing trend in a lack of care, concern, or even just basic politeness in customer service. Maybe this thirtysomething is just getting old. Maybe it is a clear indicator that we are all busy and stressed and not completely present in our work lives. Maybe it is an indicator that customer service takes a hit when a company is worried about the bottom line. I don't really know, I don't really think I am going to fix it. I just wish I didn't have smooched bread. So Mr. UA, if you happen upon this thirtysomething's blog, please please, DO NOT smooch the bread!