Be Gentle with the Bread

I went to the grocery store today to do our weekly grocery shopping as well as pick up the items we need for Thanksgiving. By the time I got to the register, I was quite done with the whole ordeal. In order to preserve what little sanity I have left, I purposely shop at a rather upscale shop to avoid long lines, poor attention to customer service, and lack of variety in produce. Today the trip progressed nicely until I got to the check-out lane. I dutifully got in line and waited my turn while my milk began to sour. I patiently read up on the latest celebrity gossip while Mr. Underachiever (my pet name for the check-out boy) slowly dealt with the customer in front of me. I failed to mention that I was also juggling two gallons of water while I waited (yes, poor cart organization on my part). When I was able to set the water down, I couldn't feel my fingers. I handed Mr. Underachiever (MR. UA for short) my special savings card and proceeded to the payment module thingy...yes, that is the technical term. While I scanned my debit card, Mr. UA began to scan my groceries. Now, I am not the most easy person to please when it comes to grocery placement in the bags, but COME ON. Mr. UA began to put the can goods in with the fruit, the bottles in with the meat, etc...I watched with a sick feeling growing in my stomach. The final straw came when he grabbed the bread in the middle, thereby completely smooching the middle part, and threw it in a bag with the milk. ARGH!!! At this point, I am faced with the incredibly hard decision...do I say something and risk complete hatred from all of the other patiently waiting customers as well as pure sneering from Mr. UA or do I just suck it up and deal with smooched bread. Today I chose to deal with smooched bread because I had a turkey that needed to get home and in the fridge. My poor smooched bread looks all deformed in my fridge and my tuna sandwich tomorrow will be in a nice hour-glass shape, but I will survive. My question is this....if Mr. UA chooses to do this job in such a lackadaisical manner, how many customers will this store lose? I see a growing trend in a lack of care, concern, or even just basic politeness in customer service. Maybe this thirtysomething is just getting old. Maybe it is a clear indicator that we are all busy and stressed and not completely present in our work lives. Maybe it is an indicator that customer service takes a hit when a company is worried about the bottom line. I don't really know, I don't really think I am going to fix it. I just wish I didn't have smooched bread. So Mr. UA, if you happen upon this thirtysomething's blog, please please, DO NOT smooch the bread!

Take the Big Girl Pill

I accepted a position in a company that I am not necessarily happy about nor do I really want to do. I accepted it assuming something else would come along before I actually had to start work. Well, today was my first official day on the new job. It was pretty bad. Don't get me wrong, this company used to be my top pick, but that was before my former boss went to work for them and before I actually got how contracting worked. However that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is to convince myself that what I am feeling is normal...or not. I was close to tears all day today and I couldn't figure out why. Why? I have a job, I should be grateful. My co-workers are as normal as they can be I guess. The company is a good company. I have benefits. ETC. What I realized is that I am so sad because I am mourning the loss of my big plan for my life. I always thought I had my career all figured out. College, Degree, 1st job, 2nd job, etc...I thought I would just move from one step to the next without any consideration for the realities of life....like unemployment.Somewhere in the course of my last position I severely veered off of the well-laid plans course and into/onto/directly through some foreign land I do not appreciate nor do I have any desire to be in.Ironically, this new position is almost exactly what I did in my last position, so I am no closer to working in my field now than I was 6 months ago. I don't know what to do, except keep showing up and hope that I somehow learn what I am supposed to learn with all of this because I am really ready to feel some sort of excitement or even moderate enjoyment at work again. Part of me is dying and I don't know how to get it back. That being said, I guess I will take the big girl pill and tough it out....this thirtysomething has some bills to pay! I wish this is something they taught you in your twenties....life isn't fair, life downright sucks the life out of you sometimes...and guess what? Life goes on...

Homesick

As I am traveling this week for some interviews, I have come to be very homesick. I rarely experience this feeling. I LOVE to travel and explore, so I am too busy to get homesick. This week, I am not traveling to a new place, I am actually in a place that holds many memories for me, both good and bad. Maybe that is why I am homesick. I never understood people that couldn't stand to be away from their families for a couple of days....I certainly never thought that would be me. However, I am completely and totally homesick. As a thirtysomething, I have had the opportunity to create many memories and I realize that part of this feeling is that I am looking back instead of forward this week. I know it sounds strange when I am doing interviews, but it causes me to be very reflective of previous work and life experiences. As I reflect on the good, I immediately become thankful for all of the wonderful family and friends I have in my life. Strangely, I get extremely homesick then because I just want to be able to spend time with them doing the everyday life things. I miss being home when my daughter gets home from school...even if she is less than pleased to see me. I miss eating dinner with my family. I miss going to the gym with my bf. I miss pretty much my entire life. As I reflect back on the bad, I want to flee this place as fast a possible and run back to my safe zone, which is my home. So, even though the interviews are progressing nicely, I can only think of going home. I feel silly really..I am thirtysomething afterall! I am so blessed to have the opportunity to interview this week, but I will also be really glad when I can go home and hug my family....I guess you can never be too old to get homesick.

"Ms. DTV"

You can't grow up in the 80's without having seen the movie "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." I always related to Sarah Jessica Parker's character in the movie. I think every teenager goes through a stage of figuring out who and what you are in life. After a recent discussion about the movie with a fellow thirtysomething, I realized that my new hero in the movie is Ricky (Helen Hunt). She is so creative, original, and uniquely herself the entire movie. Plus, in the final scene, she rides onto the set in a chariot as Ms. DTV...how awesome is that? I used to just think she was weird (the character). Funny how the phases in one's life bring us to re-evaluate "weirdness" and our views on life. As a thirtysomething, I sorta feel like I am going through some sort of early mid-life crisis sometimes. It isn't the type of crisis that causes me to buy a fancy new sports car or anything extreme like that, but I definitely re-evaluate me. What do I want to be when I grow up? Who do I want to be when I grow up? What is important for me to accomplish in my thirties? What isn't important for me to accomplish in my thirties? One thought/feeling seems to permeate all of the questions....being original and completely myself (whatever that is) is the most important thing to me. For most of my twentysomething life, I tried to live up to all sorts of expectations from my family, my friends, my co-workers, my significant other, my child...etc. What I have come to realize is that I set my own expectations for myself. I will be wonderful if I stick to what I know best..myself. While I don't have it all figured out, I do know that I want more Ricky moments in my life....by embracing myself (the good, the bad, and the ugly) without apologies. A quote that I just love by Ralph Waldo Emerson comes to mind, "Insist upon yourself. Be original." So, this thirtysomething is going to continue to explore, create, and develop myself in hopes of having more Ms. DTV moments.