Take the Big Girl Pill

I accepted a position in a company that I am not necessarily happy about nor do I really want to do. I accepted it assuming something else would come along before I actually had to start work. Well, today was my first official day on the new job. It was pretty bad. Don't get me wrong, this company used to be my top pick, but that was before my former boss went to work for them and before I actually got how contracting worked. However that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is to convince myself that what I am feeling is normal...or not. I was close to tears all day today and I couldn't figure out why. Why? I have a job, I should be grateful. My co-workers are as normal as they can be I guess. The company is a good company. I have benefits. ETC. What I realized is that I am so sad because I am mourning the loss of my big plan for my life. I always thought I had my career all figured out. College, Degree, 1st job, 2nd job, etc...I thought I would just move from one step to the next without any consideration for the realities of life....like unemployment.Somewhere in the course of my last position I severely veered off of the well-laid plans course and into/onto/directly through some foreign land I do not appreciate nor do I have any desire to be in.Ironically, this new position is almost exactly what I did in my last position, so I am no closer to working in my field now than I was 6 months ago. I don't know what to do, except keep showing up and hope that I somehow learn what I am supposed to learn with all of this because I am really ready to feel some sort of excitement or even moderate enjoyment at work again. Part of me is dying and I don't know how to get it back. That being said, I guess I will take the big girl pill and tough it out....this thirtysomething has some bills to pay! I wish this is something they taught you in your twenties....life isn't fair, life downright sucks the life out of you sometimes...and guess what? Life goes on...